


The Day we got Lost

by bloodyferguson



Category: Mission: Impossible (Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-18 06:12:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17575379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodyferguson/pseuds/bloodyferguson
Summary: After the events of Mission Impossible - Fallout the two secret Agents Ilsa Faust and Ethan Hunt finally started a relationship. Everything is alright until one day a Mission went terribly wrong and puts their love on a hard test.





	1. Chapter 1

Slowly Ilsas eyes opened. Light. Brightness. She blinked a few times to be able to have a clear sight. She looked around the room as she realized were she was again. White and yellow walls. Bald walls. Cold walls. Everything was cold. As she turned her head to the left side of her bed she met incredibly beautiful green eyes, the green eyes she always have to smile on. But not today. Ethans eyes are as cold and empty as the walls of the hospital room she was lying in. She could see the red colour in them as well, signalling her that he was crying. It brokes her heart and made her think of how cold she was. How cold her heart was ,because she didn't cried once it's like she don't has any feelings at all. She was empty just like the walls in her hospital room. She turned her head straight again looking into the big nothing as her hand slowly moved. It moved down to her belly. She caressed it realising that it doesn't made any sense. She is looking into the big nothing, she is feeling nothing and that's all because in her grows nothing..not anymore. Not since the last mission. Not since this accident. Ilsa Fausts and Ethan Hunts baby was lost in the big nothing. She thought about the happiness she felt with her. Yes her! She would have get a little baby girl, a little mini agent. Mia would have been her name. She thought about all the small socks and shirts she already bought. But her first thoughts are all about him. She turned her head again to face him one more time. "Hey." he figured out to say and forced himself to a little hurted smile which should be an encouraging gesture for her, but it just broke her heart more and more to seeing him like this. A tear came down his face. Ilsas hand met his cheek to wipe it away, to wipe a little bit of the pain in this big nothing away. She heared that he whimpered, holding back his emotions. It was not about 'being a man' and don't showing feelings, it was more about 'being strong for her'. "Hey." she whispered back minutes later. "Don't hold it back Ethan." she said. She said it cold and empty, just like this hospital room is. Her hand, which was still resting on his cheek, moved at the back on his head caressing it softly. It filled the room with warmth. At least for him. As he took a straight look in her otherwise light blue eyes, which usually sparkle all the time but now are so empty and cold like this bold room he couldn't hold back anymore and started crying. He was ashamed. Not because of the fact he showed his emotions, more of the fact that he wasn't strong. Not strong enough for her. Ilsa pulled his head to her, he lays his head down on her chest feeling her heart beat and just cries. She caressed still the back of his head, feeling her heart breaking in thousand pieces ,how it aches, but still. She still isn't crying and just looks at this cold, empty, bold walls, with her other hand still on her belly.   
"My child."  
•

_"It's your fault." Ilsa looked at Ethan who stand behind her. She slowly turned around. "What?" He replied his sentence. "It is your fault." She stood infront of him, now facing him not understanding what he means. Ethan raised his arm and pointed his finger at something behind her. Ilsa turned around again. Behind her was a man in the shadow. She couldn't see his face it was to dark. He stepped out of the shadow but she still couldn't see his face, it was like magic. The light was bright and she saw everything perfectly fine, just not his face. It was like if he wouldn't have a face at all. As she stood there starring at him she could hear Ethans voice behind her again. "It's your fault." Ilsa still faced the man as she realized he carried something on his arm. Her eyes panned down as she realized that he is holding a baby. "She is lost." Ilsas heart skipped a beat as she heard Ethan right next to her ear whispering the words into it. "She is lost and it's your fault. You should have heard to me." She just stood there. She couldn't say something, she couldn't turn around, she couldn't face him, because she knew he was completely right. "Do you see her? She is beautiful!" The man without the face came near to her as Ethan said this words. She was afraid and hurted but somehow she still couldn't move. It was like if there was glue on her shoes and she was sticking to the ground not able to do anything. Or say anything. Or she was just a coward. Like she always was when it comes to a honest point. She flees. But not this time! This time she would stand right here and see what happens. As the man stood right infront of her she still couldn't see his face as hard as she tried, she just couldn't see it. "Look at her, she has your beautiful eyes and your small nose and my cheeks and mouth." she heared Ethan whispering behind her. She looked down at the baby and he was right. It was like a mini version of them, a cute, adorable mini agent version. "It could have been perfect." he kept on whispering. a small sound of approval came from her mouth. "But it isn't because it's your fault, because she is lost in the big nothing." Ethans voice got louder and louder with every word until he screamed in her ear: "SHE IS LOST IN HIM."_

 

"NO!" Ethan recoiled in alarm from his girlfriend. He tried to wake her up for minutes now but she just kept on screaming. "It's fine honey, it was just a dream. Everything is alright." She looked at him still not realising that all the things which just happened were a dream. The most horrible one she ever had. She saw the walls of her hospital room again, which perfectly fits her situation. Still bold, still empty, still cold. Just uncomfortable. "It's my fault." That is the first thing she could say after calming down a bit. "It isn't your fault Ilsa." Ethan said caressing her head. He doesn't need any explication as he already knew what she means. "I will kill him." are the next words of her and Ethan slowly gots worried. It's not the ironical way she usually says it. It's pure honesty without emotions. Whilest Ethan worries about her, Ilsa, however, sorts the thoughts in her head. The man without the face. Of course. How couldn't she get it in the dream. The cover name of the man who ruined her life. Their life. Mias life which she would have deserved to live. She looked at Ethan with something in her eyes he never saw before. Revenge.  
•  
The last week passed quick. After Ilsas threatening words, a doctor came in ,to pick her up for some checks. The whole week went like this and two days ago Ilsa told Ethan to not visit him the last two days anymore, she would come home save and it wouldn't happen something bad to her anymore. Ethan wasn't very happy about it ,but at the same time he wanted to give her space and time for herself. He thought about her beautiful blue eyes ,which he already missed the last few days, whilest putting another candle on the table. Ilsa would come home in a few minutes and he decided to cook a romantical dinner for them. Ilsa loves this sweet little surprises now and then ,because it was a welcome change in return for their exciting but also exhausting job. Ethan, also loves to cook. If he wouldn't have become an agent he clearly would have been cook. He was lost in his thoughts. How would it be as a cook? Would he ever have met Ilsa? Or would he still be together with Julia? But would all of them still be alive, maybe even Mia?  
a loud noise brought him back into here and now. The bell. Ilsa. As he thought about seeing her again in just a few seconds and being able to hug her, to smell her and to just feel her ,his heart skipped a beat. He almost run to the front door and opened it looking in the beautiful eyes of his girlfriend. His girlfriend. It sounds so nice that he could have repeat it again and again in his head but his thoughts got interrupted from Ilsa, who obviously also was very happy to see him again. She literally felt into his arms and pressed herself that much to his body that it hurts, but Ethan didn't cared about that at all. He was just happy, he felt complete again and as did she. "Forbidding you come to visit me was probably the most worse idea I ever had in my entire life." She started talking still standing half outside and holding on to him. "I missed you so much too! But come in first." He replied grapping the back she was holding in her hands. Ilsa's nose curled slightly. "Oh my god Ethan it smells like heaven." She said noticing the awesome smell of fresh food in her nose. She have had enough of the already stale hospital food. Ethan watched her eyes open wider. "Wait...," She continued "...is this Pasta al Spinaci e Salmone?" He nooded with his head whilest his smile gots brighter and brighter as well. That's one of the things he admires her for. Such small things just make her so happy and he really appreciate this charateristic trait of her! Finally they got into their apartment. Ilsa nearly run to the living room, Ethans hand crossed with hers. They sat down at the table and started eating. They didn't talked , but that was fine. They just needed each others company to enjoy the time together. After the dinner they cleaned up together, got ready to sleep and went to bed. Ethan was happy that she finally layed in his arms and she was happy to hear his heart beating calmly inside his chest again. They both felt asleep quickly, just enjoying that they had each other. 


	2. Chapter 2

Slowly Ilsa opened her eyes. She still had small sparkles infront of them and needed a few seconds to see the bright light of the morning sun. A slight smile came over her face as she turned around and saw Ethan sleeping peacefully.

One arm around her small body ,the other one laying over her head. She knows that he would have caressed her hair before he fell asleep like he always does and she just loves that loving gesture.

This night was a good night and to see him sleeping peacefully was a big agreement. His night has been good as well. She was glad that it was like that since it's a wonder he can look into her eyes after everything that happened to them. 

She also knows that he doesn't blame her for anything she did and she knew that she had to do it. She hurted him. She saw herself again in the house they were captured in. Both in separate rooms. It was dark and the only thing she had in her room was a bed, the chair she was bound on most of the time and a small button with tones of cables on it one cable onto her the other leading into Ethans room, giving him electrical shocks whenever she choosed to.

Well, whenever she had to choose to. Because otherwise she would been hurted, or more likely her baby would have been hurted. The baby she has lost now anyways. She quickly casted that thoughts aside, since she does not want to let the thoughts destroy her beautiful morning wake up she just had. 

She looked at the clock beside the bed. 10:15 a.m. Wow. She can not even imagine when she did sleep that long the last time. And she does not remember when Ethan did the last time. She tried to turn around in his grab and after a several time of failing it she got it. 

She pushed herself a little bit more upwards to give him a light kiss on his forehead. After he doesn't react he gave him another kiss on the nose. Still no reaction. As she wanted to give him a small kiss on his mouth, Ethan suddenly turned around on his back taking her with him. She was now laying on his stomach and he matched his tongue with hers. It was a long and passionate kiss which she enjoyed.

"Ethan Hunt you little rascal." She said as they break apart. He got a cheeky smile above his face still holding her hips. "Good morning beautiful woman." He said, his voice still a little bit fragile, what makes her basically melt in his arms. She gave him another quick kiss and got up. Well, she tried to.

They started a little bed fight since Ethan does not wanna let her go ,but Ilsa thinks they were sleeping enough. After a few seconds ,and a few pretty unfair tickle attacks from Ethan, she gave up and decided to just lay with him a little time more. "I'm boring what are we doing now?" She asked him. "You are not that active otherwise. If we do not have a mission, you would lie in bed all day long.

"What just happened Mrs Faust?" She raised her eyebrows after Ethan spoke that out and gave him a played offended "Excuse me?" He started laughing. "Uhhh the dangerous eyebrow move. No no lady you won't get me with your icy look, dude." 

"Dude? Ethan Hunt you know what?" He now looked confused at her. She sat up on him ,giving him one of her seducing looks he can not resist and bent down to his ear. "Fuck it." She said dryly, got up from him and walked slowly just in underwear out the door.

Ethan was still in bed, completely stunned about the things which just happened. When he caught himself, he got up and followed her laughing into the kitchen. That are the things he loves her for. And he is bloody happy that she is able to smile and joking again.

After they went into the kitchen, Ethan started to make toasts with some fried egg. He always does that when he is home and she just loves it. She loves every morning they share together and every breakfast they are able having together.

She started to make some coffee for him and tea for herself. She poured some water into the kettle as her gaze swept over to him. She can not believe the luck she has with him, she could not even believe she had found a man like him.

As she continued to look at him, her thoughts drifted away.

 

~ throwback ~

 

She was in the dark room. She couldn't tell how long she already had been in here ,since there was not even a little bit of the days light shining through the big windows with curtains infront of them. It maybe could have been two weeks, maybe also two months, she don't knows and she don't cares.

The only thing she cared about the past days, weeks, months whatever was Ethan and her child. She tried to free herself from the shackles with which she was tied to the chair. She just want to touch her baby bump, just one time, feeling the little ones kicks.

It's like she also knows that something wasn't right with her mothers situation since she was kicking non stop for hours. Somehow, the kicks calmed Ilsa down, so she knew that the little girl was fine and much more important: A L I V E. She knew that it was only a myth ,that pregnant women were eating for two, but she also knew that the food ration she was getting was not even enough for herself.

Not even for half a day. "You can get more food," The god damn creep who captures them says her. "but your lover boy will get nothing then." She never would do that. Never in a million years she would. As if the devil himself had overheard her thoughts, the door opened. She saw a black creature infront of her, coming closer. She closed her eyes, holding back her tears since she knows exactly what will comes next now.

"Are you ready for the daily routine?" She heared a deep voice saying, giving her goosebumps all over her body. It was not a pleasant deep voice like Ethans and certainly not goosebumps from well-being. It's goosebumps because of disgustingness, anxiety and sadness. She looked at him. Infront of her was the man she hated, without even seeing his face through the mask he always wores.

A dwarf mask with a giant smile on it, like it would be a game. It is a game. For him anyways. His clothes are black, also like always. Black jeans, black shirt. No tattoos. No piercing. No scar. Nothing she could ever recognize when she comes free and would see him again. Well, if she comes free.

She also recognized the gun. The one he always has. He always threatened to shoot her if she is not doing what he wanted. If she would not be pregnant she would have accepted this suggestion one or the other time thankfully. But the little creature in her kept her alive.

She has often been captured and imprisoned, often threatened, but what he did was beyond anything. It was just pure horror. A horror game. A game she doesn't know how to escape from.

"You don't like to talk to me today? Ok. Choose a button agent Faust." He continued. She looked at the table infront of her. On the table are two buttons. A grey one, on which was a cable that lead right onto her, and a red one. It wasn't a light red a red you know from warning signs it was more like a bloody red. That was Ethans button.

She knows if she press that button the shock would get him. And she also knows that Her kidnapper makes Ethan do the same choice, because shortly after she decided he leaves her room without a word and a few minutes later she hears him scream in immediate vicinity.

The worst sound she has ever heard in her life. She looked at the buttons. It feels like that he does that everyday two times. When the day starts and when it ends. But she wasn't sure, since she hasn't any sense of time anymore. She was just exhausted.

Exhausted from the pain, from starvation, from being apart of Ethan. From everything. "Make a fucking choice." The kidnapper says, now a bit louder. Her eyes wonder from one button to the next. She feels how her eyes starting to fill with tears. "I can't." She just was able to say.

The man next to her gets more and more impatient. She can hear how his voice start to tremble as he started the countdown. "5, 4...." She knows she had to made a decision, she knows it would hurt no matter whom of them she would choose.

"...3, 2,.." Her tears start to run and she just pushed the button on the left side infront of her. The next thing to hear was a painful scream coming out of Ilsas mouth.

**Author's Note:**

> I already did a small trailer for this on my Fanpage.  
> If you wanna see it here you go:
> 
> https://www.instagram.com/p/BooQlKugl2l/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=1p72unvjtvsp3


End file.
